My Immediate Thoughts on The Ugly Stepsister

Aside from themes and people eating food in a gross way, this is not just The New Substance. That said if you enjoyed The Substance you’ll probably love this.

I hope you like screaming!

Man they never let you forget there’s worms.

None of the women in this are villains. They all do mean or ill advised things to varying extremes but you can see why they’re doing it. Still wish they had better options!

It’s true: hot girls DO get tummy aches

The first time someone in the movie called Elvira ugly someone in the theater went “but she’s really pretty” and I need people to understand unjust irony

200% I’m getting a metal nose and centering my emcee look for my annual body horror show around it (July 26 at Coney Island!)

Once again: heterosexuality is a prison and if you can divest yourself of it you’ll be happier.

MILF spotted

There’s a character named Sophie Von Kronenberg. This film knows its pedigree.

I hope you like vomit!

It’s really wonderful that Elvira is ultimately just a good and dreamy person. She’s envious and covetous but she’s not cruel. Even when she’s hit her rock bottom she sees her own aesthetic inferiority as the real enemy.

There were so many people in the theatre who clearly were not familiar with Grimm’s take or Into the Woods. But man oh man seeing body horror in a theater RULES. People were openly reacting for the last fifteen minutes. Shouting out thoughts, gasping, reveling in or retreating from what was happening. My fav was probably “don’t do surgery at home!”

At some points I thought “this isn’t horror this is just being a woman”. You can draw parallels to Toddlers & Tiaras, beauty pageants, prom season, ballet…you get it

Good news: there’s no sexual assault! Bad news: so many disordered eating triggers

People who keep using the phrase “so-and-so has iPhone face” should watch more European art house films

I hope you like poetry!

It’s understandable that this would get comparisons to The Substance but in terms of aesthetic and story this has more in common with The Company of Wolves. There’s grotesque images next to hazy soft filters. There’s beautiful gowns and rotting meat. There’s bloody chambers and bucolic scenery.